I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
