On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
