so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
