I want to have your abortion
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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