I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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