What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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