Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
