i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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