We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
