dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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