evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
