Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
