Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
