hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
