All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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