I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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