So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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