After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
