just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize