Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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