Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
