Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
