Please, let me fuck your mom
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize