I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
