I want to walk on stilts...naked
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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