I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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