Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I touched a dick in church today
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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