I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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