But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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