Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
