I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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