I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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