I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
