I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish i was in the wii world.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
