I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
