we're blogging at a bar
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
