Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
