I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
