five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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