please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize