two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
