Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
