I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
