Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
