this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
