My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize