went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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