for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
