marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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