just tell him i said nine months
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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