We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
