you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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