i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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