how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
