So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
