You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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