Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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