My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
