I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
