In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
