is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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