I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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