I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
