This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
