dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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