wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
