Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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