it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
