are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
