I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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