Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
