Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
