rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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