booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
