The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
